You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
