I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I met the friendliest cop last night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
