If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
