dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
