so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My dick has a subreddit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
