well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
