yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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