I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
