He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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