i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
