PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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