Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
