You can't motorboat a personality
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
