And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
