Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
