Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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