It's like God shit irony all over that family
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
