I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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