All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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