found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
