sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Plan B is the new Plan A
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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