i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
