sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
