I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
