32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
