worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
