They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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