I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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