please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
