You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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