I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
