spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
