those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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