dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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