life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
