One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
