sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
