I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
