A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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