Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
