No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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