You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
