Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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