ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize