I want to make a zoo with you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
