I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
where are you?
Hypothermia
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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