yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
