If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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