well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
