This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
