He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize