where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
