Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
