dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
