If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
