At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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