just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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