I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
