I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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