I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
