I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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