I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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