Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
