Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
