Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
