She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
