walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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