Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
