You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
