No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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