When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
