i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
