I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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