she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
