I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
