I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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