man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
