There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
