I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
