Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
