New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
