Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
