I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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