i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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