you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
