I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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